It’s Okay Not to be Okay, Okay?

Are you okay?

Worthlessness. Inadequacy. Failure. Overwhelmed. Overstimulated. And numerous other words can be used to describe the “not okay” feeling that you may be feeling. And you know what? It’s okay to feel all of it. We are human, flesh and blood. We can feel the negativity that comes with life. It is guaranteed that we will face suffering, and that we will lament. We also know that we should, “Count it all joy my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds.” (James 1:2) It is also true that we can have joy and lament at the same time. We can realize that God has placed us where we are for a reason, for the furthering of His kingdom.

But, so many of us do not realize that not being okay is okay. I mean, look at Job 3:11 when Job is asking why he didn’t die at birth; Jeremiah 15:18 “Why is my pain unceasing, my wound incurable, refusing to be healed? Will you be to me like a deceitful brook, like waters that fall?”; and even Psalm 6:4 “Turn, O Lord, deliver my life; save me for the sake of your steadfast love.”

As a Christian, I know my battle started the day that God called me His and redeemed me. When my husband and I got engaged, the battle escalated a little. Once we were married, guess what? The enemy tried a little harder. And now, as the wife to a wonderful, kind, caring man who is aspiring to eldership at our church, the enemy is trying even more to get between us. He, my husband, has been battling gluttony, laziness in studying God’s Word, cynicism, and anger while I was battling feelings of failure, bitterness, and inadequacy. Yes, I was slightly prepared for this new stage of battle because I knew that the closer we draw to our Father, the more the enemy will try using different tactics to cause division. However, I was not completely prepared for it.

I’m not okay.

Ever since my husband announced his aspiration to be an elder, the enemy has been leaving little thoughts in my head, such as “you’re doing a horrible job at being a wife”, “you’re a failure”, “you’re not good enough”, etc. etc. It has caused me to dip into a slight depression and even prevents me from opening up to my husband and communicating. I haven’t wanted to read my Bible, to pray, to journal, to be in discipleship, to clean the house, or to be a part of anything. I haven’t even been as excited to do children’s ministry with my husband on Wednesday nights. It wasn’t until a friend of mine came down that it all started to make a little more sense to me. We are one flesh. Genesis 2:24 reads, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” The enemy despises marriage, Christian marriage in particular. So, when a Christian couple who has become one flesh, decides to grow closer to God, and one aspires to eldership, how do you think the enemy reacts? You guessed it, the enemy is enraged and will do anything he can to come between us. Yes, I know that my husband loves me unconditionally, but the enemy will use past feelings and thoughts to create emotional instability.

But does that mean that it’s true?

Absolutely not. Instead of continuing to dwell and linger on those thoughts and keeping them to myself, I eventually sat down with my husband and discussed them. It took everything I had to come to him about it because the enemy kept telling me that it wouldn’t make a difference. We both realized that we would be coming under attack even more, and that we would need to be there for each other to protect our marriage. We would need to rely on God. We prayed together, and have been praying together, and it’s made a difference. Sitting down and reading God’s word makes a difference. Remembering whose I am makes a difference. “But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: Fear not, for I have redeemed you, I have called you by name, you are mine.” (Isaiah 43:1)

In reading through “A Well-Watered Woman” these passages stood out to me: God will never leave our side (Hebrews 13:5); that it’s okay to not be okay in this fallen world, because in the end, when we are with Christ, it will be better than okay (2 Corinthians 4:8-12); that feelings that I feel in this world are not something to be frightened of because I can learn from them, and lean on my Savior in the midst of them (Psalm 63: 1-3).

Have you ever thought about Genesis 3:17-18 and how the thorns and thistles it speaks of when God tells Adam “because you have listened to the voice of your wife an have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, ‘You shall not eat of it,’ cursed is the ground because of you; in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life; thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you; and you shall eat the plants of the field” lead to the crown that Christ wore when he was tortured? Christ himself became physically not okay here in this fallen world by graciously giving his body up to the pain he endured, so that we can be more than just okay forever in Him (Romans 5:8).

And that’s okay.

So why is it so hard for us to believe that it’s okay to not be okay? The world is constantly pushing out images, songs, movies, books, social media posts which makes it seem like everyone is living a life of abundance. And then we wonder what’s wrong with us. The world has this instantaneous need to have everything now, and to be “keeping up with the Jones’”, but that is not even close to what God called for His Apostles. They were charged with going out to various places with nothing but the clothes on their backs, no money, no food, no change of clothes. They would need to be okay with not having that security. The Apostles emptied themselves in order to be poured into by Christ so they could be used. That’s something I never really considered before until I watched a Paul Washer sermon. The Apostles completely giving themselves to Christ and the mission to spread the good news allowed Christ to use them. When we go through the not okay season, it is easy to just give up, to give in, but what if we...just abide. Now hear me out, I am not meaning to abide in the not okay, because we can acknowledge that feeling; but we rather continue and abide in God, the Holy of Holies, the Creator, the sovereign King, so that we can rely solely on Him.

The meaning of abide according to the International Standard Bible Encyclopedia, is an old English word signifying progressively to “await,” “remain,” “lodge,” “continue,” “dwell,” and “endure”. What if through our insecurities, through all the times that the enemy will attack us and feel as though we are beaten, bruised, and weakened that the only thing we can and should do is abide in Christ? Abide in His word. Abide in His authority. To remember that Christ did not shed his blood on the cross so that we would have to rely on ourselves, He did it so that we could rely on Him. On His grace that is sufficient.

With this journey that my husband and I have begun, it only stands true that we will more than likely face many more trials. That myself as his wife will still face those feelings of inadequacy and failure, but I will be able to recognize that it’s not I who live, but Christ in me.